broken-nosed gods

Someday I will be able to formally perform in front of groups of people I don't know without fucking up massively and spending the rest of the day crying over it. Someday!

Maybe it would have worked out better if I'd been first or second instead of next-to-last. Or if I hadn't taken that five-year hiatus from recitals. *sigh*

In other news, I spent the morning making Dorie Greenspan's chocolate-chip-cookie-over-brownies and had to sub in a bunch of Easter candy and some extra sugar because all I had in bar form was 100% chocolate. A little bit of the brownie part stuck to the pan, so I got to taste that, and it seems to have turned out okay. Best not eat it without the cookie bit.

Baking for students = an EXPERIENCE. And now I have to figure out something for the other class.

(Not my students! Just so we're clear.)

Apparently Lady Gaga is releasing another single tomorrow? Will probably pirate this track right away and then buy the whole album when it comes out.

I'm feeling better about the Chrome fic, even though I haven't really worked on it at all for the past two days. This is probably caused by all the ace-unfriendly stuff I've been reading lately—no way am I not going to be happy about something that hits all my acekinks, even if I'm writing and stalling on it myself. POWER OF FRIENDSHIP, everyone! Love that is not tied to romance, or even necessarily liking the person in question! D:ing at the mere idea that someone might be in love with you! Ooh, this fic.

(I still wouldn't say no to some help with it, though.)

I really, really want to go buy some fun heels. Like, a brown and cream shoe could be the most fashionable shape in the world, and I would still go for the glittery pink stripper heel next to it. I want shoes that shout I AM AN AWESOME GIRLY-GIRL, AND ALSO SEVERAL INCHES TALLER THAN YOU. I think I'll do exactly what I didn't do the last time I went shoe-shopping: hunt for things that look good, and only after that start narrowing them down by whether or not they'll fit me or are even vaguely comfortable/practical. Also I will wear tights, because I want shoes I can wear barefoot.

Yes. That is what I will do.

I feel simultaneously like I have far too much to do (because I keep freaking out about it) and not enough (because obviously it's not enough to force me to sit down and do it). Usually I would say "well, I guess that makes this the happy medium" except if that were true I wouldn't have spent so much of the past two weeks crying/almost crying.

I don't know, maybe it's caused by not eating regular meals. Or some shit like that.


( Things to do, in no particular order: )

acquire happiness


Things I have done:

made bread using the new food processor

eaten a late dinner

become comfortable in four-inch heels

decided to unlock this entry, since I'm sure everyone knows their scroll bar

started wearing lipgloss again

made lists

I don't mind when my parents tell me to take off my headphones for a while, that it won't kill me to listen to them for a while. What bothers me is that when I do, they don't usually say anything worth listening to.

I know they have interesting things to say, wonderful stories to tell. I wonder why they tell so few of them to me.

On a lighter note: DO WANT.