esmenet: Kanae standing at a window (kanae)
There is just something about food that I know is made by other people to feed someone else—rather than by big machines as a 'product'—some element, some reminder that can pull me out of a bad day. Food is food is food, yes, but see this pint of ice cream with the label stuck on crooked? This little overpriced container of hummus I know to have been made by someone I've probably met? That big carton of Italian Ice with 'MANGO' written on it in Sharpie, sitting in the freezer of the candy shop downtown? Even though they're not made with me in mind, even though they're probably not made with anyone specifically in mind, the very idea that someone else made this and I am eating it can help a lot.

The above paragraph is no longer as true as it was when I wrote it five hours ago.


What really, truly helps me on a bad day is sitting down and putting on my high-heeled shoes. Just thinking about them helps: they're black leather, not patent but kind of shiny, four-inch heel with 3/4-inch platform, almond toes, stiletto heels, ankle boots with a zipper up the side. They fit just right, socks or no socks, though my feet do get a bit sweaty without. High heels, zippers, platforms, a close fit: all these things give an illusion of support and stability, and the illusion is just real enough.

I bought these shoes four days ago, and already they are worth more than I paid for them.


Tangentially related to the second paragraph )

Now off to watch the second episode of the Ouran drama & let my eyes dry out a bit. And then maybe some late dinner.

ETA: . . . without subs, again. At least I'm getting plenty of listening practice?
esmenet: Toph in a mud bath, earthbending the mud on her face. Larger text reads "I feel pretty", smaller text "oh so pretty" (oh so pretty)
five )
esmenet: Aang saying "Why yes, I AM made of awesome." (why yes i am made of awesome)
I am now a proud owner of the most beautiful shoes in the world.

No pictures yet, because I don't have my mother's camera quite figured out and I'd rather wait for daylight anyway, but oh these are gorgeous.

They're a little worn, a little stained at one of the toes, and a bit of the satin on the heels is fraying. I'll need to pad them a bit to stop my feet slipping down in them and my heels sliding out, and it'll take me a while to get used to the squished feeling of pointy toes. They're sakura-pink, not the deeper pink you sometimes see sakura drawn as, but the one that looks almost white until you hold it next to something in a similar color to draw out the pink. About the color of Mikage's hair. 3 1/4 inch heels and a pointed opening for the foot, at a wider angle than the toes. These are not shoes that say 'fairytale princess', despite the color; these are godmother shoes or queen shoes or cool-businesswoman shoes, making me think of all the awesome older ladies I've seen in j-dramas. They're elegant. Yves Saint Laurent, size eight, used, $5.85.

Lesson learned from this: Never, ever ignore the shoes or sales sections of a resale shop. (And be willing to try on shoes half a size up or down from your usual one.)
esmenet: Pinkie Pie with an expression of measuring something (measuring face)
I'm finding it hard to believe that I actually have muscles now. Not big ones, but the side of my calf goes in a bit when I stand on tip-toe, and I actually have a tiny bit of a bicep now. I finally found exercises that can be done in reasonably fancy clothes (i.e. an underwire bra and non-T shirts), without tying up my hair (unless it's hot out), and while watching Japanese television on my computer (if it's nearby). They actually feel good. It's amazing! Does anyone have recommendations for more?

It's just kind of a pity that, while my body really enjoys moving and wants to do lots of it, my brain is still kind of stuck in its mode from a few years back, when I would sit in front of my computer for hours and hours at a time. And my brain tends to be louder. :( But I've gotten to the point where I can just kick myself out of the house to go for a walk if I'm not feeling okay, so that's good.


You know what shoe I'm in love with right now? This one. I love the pink one, but that is a bright bright candy blue. <3 I'm sure it would slide off my heel the minute I stood up, but at least I can dream.


And I finally decided not to sign the paperwork to join the Central Illinois Concert Orchestra. Because I have to drive kind of far to get there, it's on Thursday nights, and I would have to pay them $375 in addition to everything else. Also they were going to make me bring my own music stand, which. No. I have one of those little wire-ish stands that doesn't go up nearly tall enough, and it's a pain to carry around, collapsible or not. (I want one of those big heavy black stands all the universities have.) Instead I will probably join the local orchestra, whose conductor lives like a block away. So yay for that, I guess?
esmenet: Pinkie Pie crossing her eyes and grinning (XD)
14. Did you have a gateway fandom? Still in it? Why or why not? Is there a community for it on DW?

I learned about 'fandom'—and, really, the internet—after taking some kind of kids' writing class when I was ten. This girl showed us her Harry Potter script-format fic on one of the nearby computers. It was terrible, but I loved it, and it set me on my life's path. So I suppose Harry Potter was my gateway fandom, in (possible) tandem with the Tamora Pierce books.

Yes, I'm still in HP fandom, even when I don't particularly want to be. It's a time-sucker, especially with that whole 're-re-re-reading fics I already know and love to death' thing I've got going. (Just re-read most of Secret of Slytherin. ALL THE THINGS I LIKE, it has them.) It kept me from doing all the things I really should have done—that I really wanted to do—today; cleaning, doing laundry, walking around, studying for my final that's in two days, not spending the entire day lying around in bed or sitting in a chair. But there are so, so many worthwhile things about it. Even if I kind of hate canon some of the time, I will always love at least a little teensy part of the fandom. It will never be my home fandom, but it will always be there for me.

(Incidentally, I wrote Hogwarts fic!)



My other gateway fandom was—sigh—D.N. Angel. I saw some terrible music video to it back when I was eleven or twelve, and thought it looked pretty cool (even if it was a cartoon). I have never finished the anime or the manga, and I have never actually written fic for it. It is so very terrible in so many ways, not even including the bad science. But it got me into anime and manga, and introduced me to the concept of a phantom thief. I've started (re)reading the manga for Japanese practice now, and oh the memories. (Also, I just learned how to say 'ordinary'!) It's not nearly as bad as I thought it would be, at least so long as I don't think about it too hard.

Maybe I'll write a crossover or something. It could be fun! Speaking of DNAngel crossovers, this one is fairly good, and helped me realize my love of chase scenes. From either perspective.


15. What's your current obsession? What about it captures your imagination?

SHOES. I don't know why, but I think high heels are positively gorgeous. Of course, if that was all, then I wouldn't care so much about owning and wearing them. I think I love shoes for the same reason I love jackets or dresses or skirts. They look sleek and cool or bright and flouncy, and sometimes both. I also love them the way I love nail polish and lipstick—they're very gender-coded things, and in addition to loving the way they look, I love the way they say "Look at me, I am a girl," and imply all sorts of things by that ("and fuck you," "who wants to stand taller than anyone else," "and I love these colours," among them, usually). I love the way that message can be altered by tacking other things on top of it—facial hair, butch clothes, long unfussy skirts, men's hats—even if I never do.

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esmenet: Little!Anthy with swords (Default)
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